Benefits

and the pitfalls involved in negotiating bureaucratic minefields:

1. Getting one system to talk to another

2. Working on several contingency plans simultaneously with the knowledge that some or all of them may be superfluous.

3. Being a well functioning adult without being suspiciously so.

4. Having to have enough money to be able to indulge the luxury of being poor.

5. Dealing with people whose job it is to patronise you.

6. Trying to work out who you can be rude to... both in terms of strategy and solidarity (even if you see their acts as bad faith)

7. Reconciling yourself to the 'way things are' with some modicum of integrity.

Something I made

I've been talking about wanting to make a cuddly sized delirium for me. As practice for that, I made a boy doll using the poppet pattern (thank you craftster!). Yesterday I was feeling bad about having nothing to hug (I was feeling more than usually silly) so comforted myself by going through pictures of the popppet I made. This was of course because I made said poppet for a swap and did not have it around. More motivation for actually getting some work done on my own.

Here be it in its naked glory. I was quite pleased with how well the fabric that I used worked. Mostly because I found it in a dumpster and wasn't convinced that it would work! Also please note the carefully (and neatly) embroidered scar and the heart held together by glue and a safety pin. Heh!

Other geeky things to appreciate... the pretty fabric that I used for the insides of the ears. I had just enough to cut those two tiny pieces out of. I was also quite pleased with the construction of the pattern which meant that it could actually sit up on its own. Didn't stand, but hey.

Next challenge for me was to make the clothes. I made my first pair of trousers! They're not at all flash and don't have pockets or even belt loops, but I immensely proud of having figured out the cut.

And then there was the cutting and sewing of the hair. I love my sewing machine. It sews yarn together with nothing underneath it. Hah! Which means that my poppet gets to have pretty multi-coloured hair in addition to all else amazingness.

Behold.

Omega not-really-a-review

Things to not like about Omega (and by extension Dollhouse season 1... please let there be a season 2!)

1. Paul Ballard gets to play the hero
One of the things I liked about previous episodes was that it became more and more clear that Ballard was anything but a hero. He was twisted, arrogant, obsessive and terribly sure of himself in his misguided saviour behaviour. I liked the ending of Briar Rose where he was shown to be such. And then we have this episode... in which he gets to play the bloody hero three times! Once when he saves Caroline for Echo, once when he rescues and frees Mellie (who incidentally is a much more believable princess) and finally when he gets to rescue the Dollhouse from their folly by joining them as a contractor. Aaaargh. I am not impressed. I get that they need to keep him in the series and twisting him further into the system is a good way of doing it. I just wish that he'd been twisted out of his annoying self-righteous complacency.

2. Eliza Dushku's lack of acting/believability
I wish I could see some range in her acting. Dushku does okay in short spurts but doesn't really embody anyone. Speaking of range... I love Amy Acker!

3. The "everyone has a soul" plot-point
So we have bad souls and good souls? Bad souls go to hell and nothing can be done to redeem them. Good souls go to heaven and nothing ever corrupts them. Eventually good always triumphs over evil. Can you tell I'm being sarcastic?

4. The sheer individualism of the series
A lot of what kept me interested in the show was the building of relationships in an atomised world (thanks maia!). But in the end the writers still brought it back to individual characters. Echo vs Alpha. And that is boring and sad. Please let there be much more of Sierra and Echo, Victor and Sierra, Victor and Echo, Dr. Saunders and everyone else in the season to come.

5. The lack of development in Adelle and Boyd's characters
Both characters are flat and getting very, very tedious. Olivia Williams at least we've seen is capable of more subtlety. Could the writers please stop sticking her in the role of "evil head of soul-less operation" mould?

6. Victor gets his face slashed and goes back into the pod
Whisky gets her face slashed and is no longer good enough to be a doll? Ah the misogyny of men.

7. November is gone
And Paul gets to introduce himself and learn her name. Which just continues to highlight how little he thinks of her. He had no respect for Mellie because she was an imprint, or for November because she was a weapon and he respects Madeline because she's the real person. They're all real persons and totally awesome. And Paul shouldn't be allowed within 100m of any version of her.

8. The flash-back of Echo's imprints
Which seemed to be more of a costume change than a personality imprint. Echo... vapid plaything, fantasy girl, fantasy girl, hostage negotiator, fantasy, fantasy, ugly tights fantasy, fantasy. While also having to carry the the collective trauma of all of them. And this was to make her God-like how?

There were plenty of good things about the episode, (we're not bluffing... I'm bluffing... the rest of us mean business) I just needed to get the not good off my chest. Opinion anyone?

Pain and a poem

A few days ago I was feeling more than usually miserable. The mess in my head had been compounded by an aching wrist that no amount of ibuprefen seemed to contain. I had lately seen a doctor for the pain and been informed that an appointment to see a neurologist would be made for me. Upon repeated calls to the hospital to remind them that I had not yet received an appointment I was advised that the process is as follows: first I have to make the waiting list for assessment of seriousness, then my case is given a priority rating, then I am informed of said priority rating, then I get an appointment.

Weeks later I finally managed to get hold of someone who could tell me that I had been given a rating: Semi-urgent. She then helpfully informed me that within 6 months of receiving the letter apprising me of this (which I have yet to get) I would be called and then I could make an appointment. Genius. I count myself extremely fortunate since I have a lovely GP who unblinkingly wrote me a script for copious quantities of diclophenac (which is actually managing the pain on a day-to-day level), because I have not been deemed non serious enough to not make the list at all (which happens with depressing frequency), because I am a student with access to free medical services through school, because I have parents who'd be able to advise me (both docs) as well as bail me out.

All of this meant that I could channel my frustration into creating my first piece of spoken word poetry. It isn't particularly good, but it was certainly quite cathartic. And I enjoyed the emotional ranting in blank verse that spoken word is open to as well as the intellectual geekiness of playing with words. I've never written poetry before (for good reasons... i can't!) so it was quite strange and exciting to be doing anything of the kind. Some day I shall be brave enough to put it up for other people to see. Not today.

PS: I know I'm supposed to feel grateful that we have a public health system at all. And that I'm not as badly off as others. I find it difficult to feel any such thing. To begin with it's hard for me to feel grateful for something that to me feels like should be mine by right. Not something that is being generously bestowed on me. I also find the thought that others are worse off than I am more enraging than comforting or sobering. I know there are people who are suffering and are in acute pain. I'm not pretending that my pain is equivalent or even on the same scale as theirs... but this knowledge makes me angry at the world and at people for making it what it is. Not grateful. Not remotely.

Resolutions and reviews

Must write in my journal every day of the week
Must also write on my three times a week
Must make sure I'm talking to the parents at least once a week

Study: some done. Extension upon extension. Lots of bad writing and some good stuff. Meetings with Tony and others fruitful if not joyful. I have work that involves using my skills (ha!) but does not require me to interview sex offenders about their offending.

Dance and craft: Belly dancing and flamenco. Making bags and clothes. And have a whole pile of to-do clothes. Current priority is a pair of grey trousers. Priority because I'd like to actually have them by the time winter truly settles in. Also I did manage to finish the summer dress. It be pretty and fits me and I am terribly proud of having put in a zip neatly!

Dollhouse: So much potential. Sigh. Why, oh why do they have to cast the least versatile actor in the lead role? Do all TV shows need to have the most impractical wardrobe designers? Please Fox, stay the hell out of Joss' way. Please writers-of-episodes, try and have stories that are engaging and at least somewhat resonant. Please Mellie, kill Paul.

Life outside of those bits: mostly miserably, occasionally fun. New SLR camera courtesy of the parents... so shall soon be taking lots and lots of photos. new (old) mac courtesy of having a paid job... fits in my bag and makes me happy. New friends in the form of people and lots of pretty plants. Oh and flowers on my kowhai tree.

So that is a quick and pointless update of my life as it is. Shall see how far the written resolutions carry me!