Adoption Ed Prep I

My angst began before I even got there.

I'm keenly aware that I am not respectable. I'm a single applicant, I'm a woman, I'm brown and I have piercings. I'm also keenly aware that these people have the power to deny me a child. So I'm pretty sure I spent a great deal more time and thought on what I was going to wear and who I was going to be than the middle class white couples there.

Then there was the session itself.

I find it unforgivable that the facilitators of the session said things like, "especially if you have your own child already". I can make allowances for people who have no concept of what adoption means assuming that you have your 'real' child and then the adopted one. But to have that reinforced by people whose job it is to decide who is a suitable for the role of an adoptive parents is unacceptable.

Then there was all that talk about how there is still stigma attached to unplanned pregnancies among "some cultures"... "even in this day and age". I had a hard time controlling my anger enough to point out that stereotypes were often wrong and the assumptions they were making about other people were ill-founded. It was mostly the implied moral high ground that made me annoyed.

bleh. And at the next one we're going to talk about how to form a healthy attachment with an alien child. Gah.

Fascinating

I'd been shopping with Mandie for pretties. And everywhere we went we were assaulted by all manner of ugliness. Both she and I agreed that I could do much better. So on a miserable, teary day... that is what I set out to do.

Here is my favourite one adorning the head of the sister. I especially like the dangly bit.

I learnt many things in the making of this hair clip: 1) You need glue that is flexible so heat setting things is a bad idea. It makes everything stiff and destroys the chance of any of it remaining together. 2) It is best to sew the clip that is going to be used to fasten fascinator to hair on separately to a piece of felt. 3) Tacking through all the layers once they're done makes the whole thing much more stable. and 4) pieces of glass etc should be sanded before sticking them down unless you want them to roll off at will.


I wasn't entirely sure how much I wanted to make them so I only bought feathers in two colours. Purple and black. Oh and the bejeweled thing in the middle is one fourth of a hideously ugly necklace we found on sale. And the hanging thing is re-purposed from an equally tacky necklace I found (also on sale). Aren't I thrifty?!

In addition to two clip style fascinators I also made a similarly embellished head band. This used the last of the ugly centre piece things I'd found and I branched out and used both coloured feathers! I think it turned out pretty well.

I'm pleased when misery is productive of prettiness.

That's all.

Dollhouse season 2 - the story so far

There have been three episodes of Dollhouse that I've seen as of now. So right now I'm leaning towards foolishly hopeful where I should be resigned to mediocrity.

The first episode was brilliant. It took off from Epitaph one and grounded the characters beautifully. Also Adelle said to Paul all that I've been hoping would be said. I'm sure some people will still persist in seeing him as the hero, but at least it's clear that Joss doesn't. So my faith in the world is restored.

Episode two sucked. No resonance whatsoever. A trite story played as a farce of a horror film. As anti-feminist as it is possible to get with so few lines. However Echo was comprehensible and Eliza Dushku almost believable. So right now I'm hoping.

Episode three was boring. At least they retrieved the anti-feminism that was getting to me. Unfortunately the rest of the story was uninteresting and all the twists and turns tired. Victor as Kiki was far more convincing than Echo as either Kiki or serial-killer-guy. And I'm sick of Echo not talking to anyone other than Paul. Who is an ass of mammoth proportions, but saved from absolute hatred by at least not also being a homophobic idiot.

The next episode is apparently Sierra focussed. And it has Nolan. . They don't have to have him die a long and painful death (though it would be nice if he did) but if they fail to do justice to Sierra (and Priya) I'll be extremely unimpressed.

I made my very first apron

and then, emboldened by my success I made another one. Lookie!

This one uses some cotton fabric I found on sale about a year ago at Arther Toye. I mastered the use of bias binding. I learnt to sew bias binding around curves without driving myself around the bend (cream coloured satiny stuff on the sides) and taught myself to make bias binding with my shiny bias tape-maker (the bits that make the strap). Notice that I overcame my dislike of hearts enough to make a pocket shaped as one. And embellished with rick rack. I felt champion!

This is the first time I've made a full length apron and I'm quite pleased with how it turned out. It's pretty, fully lined and thoroughly functional. Who could ask for more?! Of course as my flatmate pointed out, it would be entirely wasted on my current kitchen. Clearly then, in addition to being pretty and functional it is also a piece of escapist joy. So there.

I also made a half apron at the same time. It was the courage building first project. Please note the pretty blue and yellow lace trim and matching flower!

The trim I got from Lajpat Nagar. I knew I wanted to get some from there while I was in India but hadn't any real projects in mind. Of course, I'm predictable enough that when I buy a selection of stuff it invariably can be mixed and matched with existing stuff that I have. I know this and it still takes me by surprise when some random trim that I bought perfectly matches an apron I had until that morning no intention of making. Heh, I guess being boring has its moments!

I'm currently in a frantic rush to get as much of my thesis done as possible. But the next time I have another break I shall make more aprons and be childishly pleased once again at my own brilliance. x

on the practice of hoop jumping

and a little bit on the presence of hoops:

I have spent a great deal of my time lately working out the rules governing my ability to have a child. One thing I'm fairly certain of. the Hague convention on inter-country adoption is not my friend. Neither are the governmnet agencies that are in the business of "doing the best for the child". Strange really, given that both of the aforementioned are supposed to be making life easier. Sigh. When does an excess of bureucracy every simplify anything?

I have to prepare my application stating my intention to adopt (complete with doctor's certification and police checks). I also need at least two referees to confirm that I am a suitable candidate for the role of a parent. Then I have to undertake a homestudy with a social worker who comes and inspects my home and work environment to check that I am capable of caring for a child. Then I have to apply to the other country. Then they do their stuff. Then I get to go in the pool to possibly be assigned a child. In the meantime, my life and circumstances have to stay the same and include everything that the two governments deem necessary for a parent to possess. And if by some miracle I actually do manage to adopt I have a social worker writing reports on my parenting for 6 years thereafter.

My first instinct is to be angry that I have to jump through so many hoops while others don't. Then I remember that I don't actually want the state questioning women any more than they already do as to their competence. Still kinda sucks that parenting a child who isn't biologically related to me entitles them to so much access to my life.

gah.

writing a zine

decided that i was going to organise my random ramblings into some semblance of order and inflict them on the unsuspecting public. the first one is about being queer. it's been only a few weeks and already i'm learning so much.

1. making zines is fun

2. open source software is halving my work

3. i know lots of interesting things and some of my favourite conversations are with myself.

4. perfectionism dogs my every step!

once it's done i'll put pretty pictures on the cover and give it to people i like. yay me.

lessons learnt

don't raise your voice

don't question anyone bigger than you

don't expect anyone to listen to you or care if you manage to get the words out

don't think you'll be taken seriously if you're in pain

don't be silly, or smart, or anything at all.